Rick Warren on giving

Having heard Rick Warren speak about his attitude to giving at the HTB Leadership conference yesterday, it’s pertinent to post this old TED talk in which Rick explains what a life of purpose is about, which includes his attitude to the fame and wealth that came to him after explosive sales of his book.

The pain of passivity

This is a guest blog for Good Friday by Dr. Sarah Dunlop.

Jesus was a man of action. Throughout the Gospels we see him calling people to follow him. In order for the disciples to leave everything behind there must have been something about the energy and force of Jesus’ personality that compelled them to follow him.

The verbs that describe his activities are active – he heals, preaches, prays and goes here and there. If ever there was a man with a mission, it is Jesus.

But then the account of the passion begins and everything changes. The verbs are passive. Instead of being the initiator of the events around him, everything happens to him. He is arrested, led away, chained, flogged, interrogated, executed.

What was it like for someone of action to find themselves in such a passive role? Submitting to these outside forces must have been humiliating and painful.

My husband and I find ourselves in a situation characterised by forced passivity. Our second child is due in about a week’s time. But over the last few days I’ve had contractions that start small and then grow in frequency and intensity. It sends us into a state of nervous anticipation. “Is the baby coming now? Should we make plans to go to the hospital?” But then the contractions fade and life progresses as normal.  This situation leaves us feeling we have no control over our daily lives. Should we even make plans? We are left at the mercy of my body and the baby inside – just waiting until it is the right time for true labour contractions to start. Until then, we wait.

In the midst of this uncertainty, I draw comfort from knowing that God is control. He designed the human body this way and he is watching over us. I trust that he will bring this baby into this world at precisely the right time. Until then, I submit myself to his timing. And soon, when we enter the hospital, I imagine I will be subjected to the delights of forced passivity at the hand of the midwives and doctors. “Wait here. Lay here. We’re taking your blood. Giving you a jab.”

Why will I submit myself to this? Because of new life. The new baby will join our family soon – once we were three, now we will be four. Astounding!

And far more profoundly, this is why Jesus subjected himself to the indignity of a trial, beatings and execution. He too submitted his will to the Father and accepted what came to him. All this so that he could defeat death and bring new life – his own resurrected life and new life for all of humanity who turn to him.

Sarah Dunlop is visiting Research Associate at Kings College London, and a visiting tutor at Ripon College, Cuddesdon. Her ground breaking qualitative research uses the visual to unearth spiritual beliefs and has resulted in exhibitions at the Catholic Cathedral of St. Mary and St. Boniface, Plymouth, King’s College, London, and Greenbelt Festival in 2011. She is the author of one book, Visualising Hope, published in 2008.

Praying for Fabrice Muamba

On Saturday I was at a training day with other pioneer ministers and the speaker said something which resonated:

One of the best things you can do for those who aren’t Christians is to teach them how to pray. Most people want to, but aren’t sure how.

On Saturday evening and through Sunday the truth of this statement became evident. People were wanting to pray.

In the forty-first minute of an FA Cup tie with Tottenham Hotspur on Saturday 17th March, 23-year-old Bolton footballer Fabrice Muamba collapsed to the ground with no-one around him. It was immediately apparent that something serious had happened. The game stopped, later to be abandoned, as emergency medical staff ran onto the pitch. He had suffered cardiac arrest. The other played looked onwards. The Spurs player Rafael van der Vaart fell to his knees and started praying whilst a defibrillator was used to try to restart Muamba’s heart. One cardiologist who was at the game as a fan ran onto the pitch to assist. This doctor accompanied Muamba, Bolton manager Owen Coyle, club captain Kevin Davies and the Bolton and Spurs medical staff to the London Chest Hospital where his treatment continued.

At about the same time the twittersphere heard about the news and quickly a #pray4Muamba hashtag began spreading. People began praying. The family of Fabrice asked people to pray. Owen Coyle, a Christian, requested that people “keep him in their prayers“. The following day the Chelsea player Gary Cahill who is a former team-mate of Muamba at Bolton celebrated his goal after scoring by lifting up his shirt and revealing a t-shirt displaying the words “Pray 4 Muamba”. The twitter trend continued.

On Monday, British newspaper The Sun ran the headline “God is in control” in bold on the front page of both their print and online editions, quoting Muamba’s fiancé. The following day the London free paper Metro ran with “Your prayers are working“. That evening entire Sunderland and Blackburn teams displayed similar messages on t-shirts during their warm-up. Prayer and god was in the headlines in ways not usually seen in the UK.

We later learned that Muamba’s heart had arrested, the defibrillator was used 15 times to get his heart beating again – he had been effectively dead for 78 minutes before his heart started beating again without help. Peter Ould has done a bit of research and determined that the time Muamba’s heart started beating on its own again coincided with the peak usage of the twitter hashtag #pray4Muamba.

Since Saturday, Muamba has begun making a remarkable recovery. The consultant cardiologist, Dr Andrew Deaner who ran onto the pitch and accompanied his treatment said:

 ”If I was ever going to use the term miraculous it could be used here. He has made a remarkable recovery so far.”

Prayer was being talked about in the public sphere. People who don’t usually pray were praying.

Since Saturday, fans have also been turning up at the Reebok Stadium (Bolton) and White Hart Lane (Spurs) to lay flowers, cards, and shirts bearing messages of support. A minutes applause has also been given for Muamba before each premiership game since. As I watched this it struck me that these were the same rituals that football uses when commemorating the life of a player after his death. Fabrice Muamba was still, and is still alive. Surely we should have different rituals for those who are sick and ill?

People were talking about prayer and people are praying, which is great. But one thing is missing, one thing that I believe would make the rituals of ‘hoping he makes a recovery’ deeper, and that is public prayer. Why not, before each premiership match, lead the crowd in one succinct and to-the-point communal prayer, as they do before many sports events in the US? The prayer of the chaplain could then become the prayers of the people, if they want. He gives the words to use, he helps them to pray. Would this not offer the kind of communal concern that people seem to be after – one that is not indistinguishable from the rituals used in football for commemorating of the dead?

People want to pray, but often they do not know how to pray. Public corporate prayer may help those who struggle to find the word for themselves to resonate with the words of another, and maybe to start to form those prayer for themselves.

Never let it be said that we can’t achieve what we put our minds to:

When is a risk worth taking?

Last week a nurse wrote about the top regrets that dying patients have about their life. Here they are:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

From PostSecret this week

Many of these are about taking risks or taking action. Risks to go against the expectations of others or the prevailing thinking of society, and an action which is a conscious choice – yes – even the choice to be happier.

Some risks are simply about taking control and making a step towards a new reality or a potential goal, yet it can still be daunting to take that step. For example, someone might have been dreaming of following a certain career, but has to retrain in order for that to happen. It is very easy to put off that phone-call – what if they reject you? What if it is too expensive? Because these things are unknown they involve moving from a place of safety to one of uncertainty. Even though the potential rewards might be greater, it can seem like a daunting course of action. Usually, in hindsight the regret is “Why didn’t I do that sooner?”

Some risks are about quality of life. For example the regret above “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings” is simply about speaking the truth to others. Again the potential drawbacks, such as a rejection, can have a big effect. But people usually don’t regret saying what they feel. (If it’s bad news, however, people can regret how you say it!)

Others risks are simply for a thrill or a bit of fun. For example, I’ve been wanting to learn to snowboard ever since I saw the Snowboard-Cross event in the 2006 Winter Olympics. Yes, that’s a long time ago. Yet I never quite got around to it. I nearly did one Christmas in New England, but alas, that year, the snow came late and we had to go home before it came. Well I’m finally getting round to it at the indoor snow-dome near us. Nothing to lose but the possibility of a few bruises.

So when is a risk worth taking? In no particular order, this is what came to mind.

1. Does it fit into your life plan or help you towards where you want to go? If it doesn’t, the risk probably isn’t worth taking (unless it’s only a small side track). It may simply be a waste of time and energy. In this case, best to go back to basics and rethink what you really want and work towards that. (This can apply to relationships as well as job/career risks. Why waste time with a guy or girl who doesn’t treat you right or who doesn’t want to commit if you do? Might be best to cut your losses and hold out for someone whom you can plan a future with.)

If you don’t have a life plan it is worth finding out whom God has made you to by examining your passions, gifts and hopes. Finding a direction is usually a combination of these things.

2. Is it sensible? What do my trusted friends and family say? Sometimes the biggest sticking point in making a decision is wondering whether that decision is the right one. Talking about it to others and praying about it can help you work towards a solution. Some actions are obviously sensible but just require the discipline of a lifestyle change to get them sorted.

3. What are the potential consequences if the risk doesn’t pay off? Can I live with them if it doesn’t work?

For me, bungee jumping is a risk to far. The potential gain (a quick thrill) is not worth the potential risk (serious injury, death) if it doesn’t work. But if the risk is something more practical, like applying for a job in another part of the country, then assuming you want the job and don’t mind moving, it is probably worth the cost of a stamp to apply.

4. What is the likelihood of the risk failing? If the odds are too long and the cost is too high it might be worth holding back. If the likelihood of failure is high but the consequences of failure are minimal, it is probably worth the punt. Where there is a tricky middle ground, we need to go back to question 2.

5. Is is legal? Generally, what is illegal is not worth risking. There may be exceptions under regimes where human rights are not respected or religious freedom permitted

6. What are the consequences for others? Will they be hurt or impacted by the risk? There might be hardships for your family if you go ahead with something new. This will need to be taken into account. A few years on a lower salary might be worth it for long-term rewards, or if it means that you have more time to spend with them. Likewise, if a decision is going to take you away from them for large periods of time, however attractive or lucrative it might seem, it may not be worth it as their non-material quality of life may suffer from your absence. The impact of others needs to be carefully weighed up.

The Bible is full of examples of people who have taken great risks in order to serve God. In each case, they became aware of a call from God to do something particular. I would say that they discovered who God made them to be. It didn’t usually lead to a physically or materially better life – often they suffered hardship, imprisonment, they were chased out-of-town or persecuted because they went against the expectations of others. Yet in each case, they found their God-given selves and with that a peace and security to make the decisions they have to make.  I’m sure they would do it again.

Religion for Atheists results in a new moral certainty.

Alain de Botton has recently suggested a new kind of religion for atheists – one which takes all the best bits of religion such as community, generosity, creativity but leaves behind all the less desirable parts such as the rules and the actual beliefs. Ed West in today’s telegraph commented how this would always end up like an alcohol free lager – missing something crucial and something that doesn’t do much for anybody.

An interesting article – his last paragraph was this:

The real problem is that religion is always replaced by something else. The rise of fads such as homoeopathy is well documented, but more commonly people’s religious desires for certainty, morality and community are transferred to their politics; that is why there is this sense that those outside the communion of correct beliefs today are morally unclean, and new sins such as “racist” and “sexist” replace “heretic” and “sinner”. That is the real “religion for atheists”.

This struck a chord with something that we were discussing on Jon Marlow’s blog, about whether postmodernism was giving way to something else – a sense of ‘correct belief’ where everything outside of the prevailing view is not tolerated, shouted down or responded to with the refrain “You can’t say that!”. We called this ‘neo-conformity’. Interesting that this trend has been spotted by others and I wonder if it is really leading onto a change in era.

Can you help who you fall in love with? Can you be sure of marrying the right person?

A few years ago I wrote a short comment about a news article from the time and entitled the post ‘You can’t help who you fall in love with?’. Since writing it, it has become one of my most read posts. For some time, I’ve been meaning to flesh it out a little, and while the toddler is asleep it seems like a good opportunity…

Last week, Relevant magazine posted an extract from Tim Keller’s upcoming book on marriage, entitled ‘You never marry the right person’. Each marriage, he claims is a matter of making choices, and compromising.

We are lured into thinking that we will find a soul mate, another half, or someone to complete us. The movie Jerry Maguire brought is the phrase ‘You complete me’ which is a nice sentiment but it is untrue. This idea that a partner should bring us the ultimate in self-fulfillment comes from self-first consumer culture that we live in. We are used to self-help books, we are brought up to be fiercely independent, and we are used to doing things and buying things that fulfil us.

Yet when we apply this thinking to marriage, dating and partners we are on dangerous ground. The thinking is that love should not be hard, it should come naturally if you are truly soul-mates.

Tim Keller’s response is

“Why believe that? Would someone who wants to play professional baseball say, ‘It shouldn’t be so hard to hit a fastball’? Would someone who wants to write the greatest American novel of her generation say, ‘It shouldn’t be hard to create believable characters and compelling narrative’?

When one flawed human being relies on another flawed human being to complete him or her, it is never going to be completely straight forward. We are all less than perfect in different ways and we are never going to find a perfect partner to fill in the gaps of our own deficiencies.

The Bible talks about marriage as being, one flesh. The married couple are a single unit, but this is a unity that has to be worked at in relationship with God.

Nowhere in the Bible is love seen as a self-completing thing. It is always spoken about in relation to others – God, marriage partner, family, church and society. Love is not self-serving but others-centric. Love is a verb. The grand list of loving characteristics of 1 Cor 13 (written to a church, not a couple) are all acts of the will which involve putting the other before yourself – love is patient, kind, not self seeking etc. They point towards the character of God, who supremely demonstrated this love in Jesus. As we choose to love, and are given the power to do so by God, we identify with God’s character.

So, what do you do if you are attracted to someone? 

You will then need to decide what to do with that attraction. Attraction doesn’t need to lead to love.

Attraction, I believe, can’t be helped. We are attracted to all kinds of different people. Some may simply be people who happen to be nice to look at. For others it is an aspect of their character that appeals to us. Often we are attracted by characteristics that we don’t have, or that we’d like to get better at.

Before acting on this attraction, it is always worth asking whether this person would be a good match for me. Are they a nice person, fun to be around, interesting? Do they have some of the same values that you have, such as attitudes to money, family, faith? These are all things that would help any potential relationship go more smoothly. In these cases, the attraction can be helpful and we may decide to pursue it.

Sometimes, pursuing  the attraction is not a good idea.  What if the person is unavailable to you such as they are married already? For example, if a married man is attracted to another woman (this itself is not a crime) but he must choose what to do with that attraction. He may want to put in boundaries to remove or reduce the temptation, for the benefit of his marriage. He may avoid that woman and make sure he is never alone with her. Or if he has to meet her and part of his job or something, he could always meet in a public place. He could also confide and be accountable to someone else. There are many ways to reduce the temptation that would inevitably destroy his marriage, and avoid the attraction turning into something else. Each little step is a choice. It is worth asking the opinion of those who are close to you, and who know you the best.

There may be other reasons why the person is not available to you – for example, parental pressure or culture or distance. These situations can be emotionally painful. I remember falling for a person of another faith. In hindsight, it was absolutely right for s not to get together, but it was hard at the time. Is the barrier a good or necessary one? Your family may disagree for good reasons, or not. You will need to discern this. You may need to walk away and consciously choose not to pursue the attraction any further.

But it is always crucial to remember that the other person in a relationship is not there to complete or fulfil the other. Each is there to learn to love one-another in ways that they could not have imagined at the outset of the relationship.

Keller again:

The hard times of marriage drive us to experience more of this transforming love of God. But a good marriage will also be a place where we experience more of this kind of transforming love at a human level.

We never marry the right person. Love is a verb. Love is a choice

My 12 most read posts of 2011

1. The Best Caramel Shortbread – Not my most interesting post but it keeps showing up at the top of search requests! I updated it in December 2011 to include a recipe.

2. Lucio and Kaka show their faith – Comment on the place of faith in football, written just before the 2010 world cup.

3. Henry Scott Holland: “Death is nothing at all” – Some thoughts on the popular poem by Henry Scott Holland which is often used at funerals.

4. You can’t help who you fall in love with – A response to a news article where a prison guard falls in love with an inmate.

5. The poor in the gospel of Luke (iv) – One of a number of posts examining what Jesus says about the poor and injustice in the gospel of Luke. For the whole series, click here.

6. Into the Wild – movie review – review of the 2007 film about the true story of Chris McCandless.

7. New Starbucks Logo – Comment on the new starbucks logo announced in Jan 2011.

8. Kieran Richardson and Kaka – More about faith and football following Kieran Richardson’s “I belong to Jesus” T-Shirt and goal celebration in November 2011.

9. Martin Luther on Religion and Politics – Quote from Martin Luther.

10. Why didn’t the rapture happen? Will it ever? – Response and critique of rapture theology following Harold Camping’s failed prediction of the end of the world in May 2011.

11. Donald Miller reviews Love Wins – Donald Miller’s take on Rob Bell’s controversial book.

12. I just can’t find it in me to be glad one more person is dead… – Quote in the aftermath of the killing of Osama Bin Laden. See also Has Bin Laden been brought to Justice.

So Much For That, Lionel Schriver

The most recent novel in our book club is from Lionel Schriver, the bestselling author of We Need to Talk about Kevin. I haven’t read that one, and after So Much for That! I don’t think I will.

Shep Knacker is the unlikely hero, who always dreamed of an early retirement with his wife Glynis to a cheaper part of the world. Taking the $800,000 he got from the sale of his Handyman business in New York, he planned to spend his last years in a hot climate where $800,000 is a fortune and he could live very comfortably for the rest of his days. This, he called the Afterlife.

After years of procrastinating, he finally books two one-way tickets to Pemba, Zanzibar, on an island off the coast of Tanzania. Only they can’t go. Shep’s wife Glynis has been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer.

The back cover of the book shows a quote from the Literary Review which says ‘British readers will close this excellent novel feeling grateful for the NHS’. They are right. throughout the novel Shep and Glynis’ nest egg is gradually eaten up. Despite them having a comprehensive medical insurance policy from his job (Shep still works for the company he sold), there are fees for co-pays (insurance excesses) and out-of-coverage care. It turns out that to get an expert in Glynis’ rare cancer they have to turn to a doctor who is not one of the recommended care providers of the insurance company. I could rant on here about the absurdity of the American health insurance system, where doctors views of over-ruled by profit-making corporates and how, despite it’s deficiencies, the British NHS is far superior, but I won’t. I think that, as the author is an American living in London, she already knows this. As the main character laments:

For the sale of [my company] Knack alone I paid two hundred and eight thousand dollars in capital gains. Add up all I’ve shoveled those sons of bitches since high school, and it has to be somewhere between one and two million bucks. And that’s the same government who, when my wife has cancer, won’t buy her a single Tylenol.

The money is a backdrop to the story, but most of it deals with the gradual decline in the health of Glynis and of their nest egg. But there are also more medical issues. Shep’s father, Gabe, is slowly fading out. His best friend, Jackson, has a daughter with a rare genetic disease and another daughter on antidepressants (from years of being the ‘left out’ member of the family, as she has no such condition). Added to that, Jackson has taken an ill-advised course of cosmetic surgery which, when his wife finds out, adds strain to their marriage and finances.

It is good that  a bestselling novel has decided to deal in depth with cancer and dying. It is not something that people like to engage with and the  author has, I think, captured the reactions of friends and family. At first there is genuine compassion and offers to help, but after a while, as Glynis becomes more housebound and fades from public view, the visits become more infrequent. There is general awkwardness in some of the interactions as family members of the afflicted don’t know what to say. It is a more in-depth treatment than Jenny Downham’s Before I Die, but unsurprisingly, not as good as Tolstoy’s first person narrative in The Death of Ivan Ilyich. Like, Downham, but unlike Tolstoy, there is no thought given to what might happen after death (she makes her thoughts on religion clear in the loss of faith of Shep’s father (p429)) or even on the fear of the process itself – the focus of Schriver is on what the life is like before it and in particular, a description from a carer’s point of view.

Schriver is also very perceptive in the language that is used in the treatment of cancer and, whether this is helpful or not. In the book, as in the UK, we fight against cancer, battle it, struggle against it. Whist the doctors think this is important to keep up the patients resolve, this shows through in Glynis being unable to face up to her own death. While she is continually battling it, there is always a chance, however tiny, that she will recover. The doctors always want to try the next new drug (which, incidentally, is very costly) regardless of the side-effects or the probability of success. Near the end of the book (and at the end of his resources), Shep has a showdown with the doctor over what her struggles and his money has bought them. The response is that she has lived ‘a good two or three months longer than expected’. Shep questions whether, with so much medial intrusion, they have in fact been a good three months at all. They merely served to displace Glynis’ attention so she didn’t actually face up to the fact that she was dying.

Whilst it raised some interesting points, I would not recommend this book, primarily because it drags. At 530 pages it is a good 200 pages too long. I do not say this because I’m against long books – I’ve read War and Peace and Les Miserables among others, however Lionel Shriver could have got her point across in fewer words. She was over indulgent in her own writing.

Not a writer I immediately connect with, but I can see that the book has been written with thought, especially for those caring for others with illnesses. I’ll give it 6/10 but suggest you spend your time reading something else instead.

What’s in your hand? Rick Warren

Rick Warren is the author of the book, The Purpose Drive Life, which has sold over 25 million copies in the US alone and many more worldwide and which has been translated into over 50 languages. Here, he speaks to the TED conference about wealth, fame and happiness: